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Responding to an adult's disclosure of childhood sexual abuse
Content note: This page talks about childhood sexual abuse and its impacts. It is not graphic, but it may be distressing. Please take care of yourself while reading, and step away whenever you need to. The Quick Exit bar at the bottom of this site will close this page at any time.
More than one quarter (28.5%) of people living in Australia have experienced childhood sexual abuse, but generally it is not until adulthood that victim-survivors disclose being sexually abused as a child. In fact, adults are more likely to receive a disclosure of childhood sexual abuse from an adult than from a child, and many people do not know how to respond. If someone has chosen to tell you, it means they trust you. How you respond will shape their healing and their willingness to seek further help.
What does disclosure mean?
When an adult discloses childhood sexual abuse, it means sharing their experience of abuse or talking about what happened during their childhood. Disclosure can look many different ways. The Royal Commission found that disclosure can be verbal or non-verbal, accidental or intentional, partial or complete. An adult might talk about their abuse to different people at multiple times throughout their life, or only tell one person. They might hint at it long before they name it. Some people never talk about being sexually abused.
Disclosure is rarely a one-off event. It is typically a complex and lifelong process, and research shows it is often shaped by how people respond along the way. A supportive response at any point in that process makes future disclosure, and healing, more likely.
Why it can take decades
On average, survivors take 23.9 years to tell someone about the abuse. For women the average is 20.6 years, and for men it is 25.6 years. Shame and embarrassment are the most common barriers, along with fear of not being believed and concern about the impact of disclosure on others, especially where the abuse happened within the family. People from First Nations or culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, and those from LGBTQIA+ and some religious communities, can experience additional barriers that may delay disclosure further.
Some survivors also do not remember the abuse until adulthood, when memories return unexpectedly. However long it has been, the disclosure is just as real, and just as deserving of belief.
How to respond with compassion
Listen and stay calm.Try to manage your reaction.
Be patient. It may take time for the person to tell their story, and they may only share a small part today.
Be aware of your facial expressions and body language.
Reassure the person that you believe what they said, and that the victim-survivor is never to blame for what happened.
Ask what the person needs from you and what support you can provide. Do not take over or act without their consent.
Help them understand that you are trustworthy and they can talk to you again.
It is very important that people are believed when disclosing, even if there are significant delays between the abuse and the disclosure. Being believed, supported and given control is critical to recovery and to future help-seeking.
What if I did not respond well the first time?
Many people are caught off guard by a disclosure and later wish they had responded differently. Because disclosure is a process rather than a single moment, repair is possible. Going back to the person, acknowledging that you did not respond the way you wanted to, telling them you believe them and that you are there when they are ready, can mean a great deal. It is never too late to be a safe person for someone.
If they want to explore their options
Some survivors, at some point, want to explore formal options. These can include reporting to police, which is possible at any time, including decades after the abuse, and seeking redress. Survivors of institutional child sexual abuse may be eligible for the National Redress Scheme, and the Blue Knot Foundation runs a dedicated Redress Support Service (1300 657 380) to help survivors understand their options. There is no right choice here, and no obligation. Follow their lead, and read more on our page What justice means for victim-survivors.
Where to from here
If someone has disclosed to you, you can gently share our Finding support page with them when they are ready. And remember to look after yourself too. Supporting someone through disclosure can bring up a lot, and Blue Knot has resources for supporters: see Supporting someone.
Sources: Left Write Hook film site Resources (Understanding and Responding to Adult's Disclosure); Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse (Identifying and disclosing child sexual abuse); National Centre evidence to action newsletter (disclosure across the life course, O'Leary 2026); Blue Knot Foundation Redress Support Service.