Need support now? If you or a child is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000). If you need to talk to someone, Lifeline (13 11 14), 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) and the Blue Knot Helpline (1300 657 380) are there for you.

Left Write Hook is not a crisis or support service. For more services, visit our Get support page.

Supporting someone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse

Content note: This page talks about childhood sexual abuse and its impacts. It is not graphic, but it may be distressing. Please take care of yourself while reading, and step away whenever you need to. The Quick Exit bar at the bottom of this site will close this page at any time.

More than one quarter (28.5%) of people living in Australia have experienced childhood sexual abuse. It is quite likely you know someone who is a victim-survivor, whether they have told you or not.

Taking the initiative to learn how to respond means that if someone ever chooses to tell you about their experience, you will be prepared to respond well, and to help them find support. How people respond to a disclosure matters enormously. Being believed, supported and given control is critical to a survivor's recovery and their willingness to seek help in the future.

What helps

  • Believe them. It is very important that people are believed when disclosing, even if there are significant delays between the abuse and the disclosure. Delays of decades are normal.

  • Stay calm and focus on listening. Try to manage your own reaction, and be aware of your facial expressions and body language.

  • Be patient. It may take time for the person to tell their story, and they may share it in pieces over months or years.

  • Reassure them that the victim-survivor is never to blame for what happened.

  • Ask what the person needs from you and what support you can provide, rather than deciding for them. Giving them control matters.

  • Help them understand that you are trustworthy and they can talk to you again.

What to say

You do not need perfect words. Simple, genuine responses go a long way:

  • "I believe you."

  • "Thank you for trusting me with this."

  • "What happened was not your fault."

  • "That sounds incredibly hard."

  • "What do you need from me right now?"

  • "I am here, whenever you want to talk, and it is okay if you do not."

What to avoid

Even well-meaning responses can cause harm. Try to avoid:

  • Pressing for details. Let them share what they want, when they want.

  • Expressing doubt or asking why they did not tell anyone sooner. Delayed disclosure is the norm, not the exception.

  • Taking over. Avoid making decisions for them, contacting others or taking action without their consent, unless a child is currently at risk.

  • Sharing their story with anyone else without permission. Their story belongs to them.

  • Rushing them towards solutions. Listening is the support.

For more detail, see Responding to an adult's disclosure and Responding to a child's disclosure.

Supporting someone over the long term

Recovery is not linear, and supporting someone is rarely a single conversation. Impacts can resurface over time, and there may be periods where your person needs more support and periods where they need space. Keep showing up, keep believing them, and gently encourage professional support when they are open to it. You can share our Finding support page with them when the time feels right.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone who has experienced trauma can affect you as well. This is sometimes called secondary or vicarious trauma: the emotional impact of being alongside someone else's traumatic experience. It is real, it is common, and it is not a sign that you care too much or are not strong enough. Looking after yourself isn't selfish, it's part of being able to continue showing up for someone else.

Blue Knot Foundation has dedicated resources for supporters, including guidance on responding to disclosure, supporting through triggers, understanding secondary trauma, self-care for supporters, and workshops designed specifically for the people who walk alongside survivors. Looking after yourself is part of supporting them well.

Stand with survivors

Every supportive conversation helps create a community where survivors are more likely to be believed, supported and able to seek help.

One of the most practical ways to support survivors across Australia is to help survivor-led recovery programs reach more people. You can make a tax-deductible donation or partner with us.

Sources: Left Write Hook film site (Take Action, Get ready to support; Resources, adult and child disclosure sections); Australian Child Maltreatment Study; National Centre evidence to action newsletter; Blue Knot Foundation supporter resources (responding to disclosure, supporting through triggers, secondary trauma, self-care for supporters).